A message from Anonymous
you tell crazy stories but has a woman ever tried to kill you ?
A reply from prettyboyshyflizzy

This one girl accused me of cheating for having female friends (which i wasnt fucking or flirting with but was just cool friends I dont wanna talk to a bunch of niggas all day i need a female perspective on things) she was screaming at me for 20 mins straight

i dont argue back cause im laid back im just like mhmmm mhmmm looking in my phone checking sports scores and on twitter … so at one point she says “was the pussy atleast good my nigga?” i was like “mmhmm that shit was nice and tight”  all of a sudden i heard silence i look up shes like

image

*this is the moment where i knew i fucked up*

just looks at me like that for like 20 seconds “im like bae im just playing.. im just playing…”  she runs to the kitchen… and starts going in the drawers “im like shawty u needa chill”   im like “im just playing”

she pulls something out all i see was the light beam reflect off it

i get a good look i see this in her hand

im in the couch like

she starts running towards me so i open the door step outside then shut the door from the outside and use all my body weight to hold onto the door knob, She used to run track in highschool so i think she gon catch me so im like nah im not even gon run and get stabbed in the spine

she pulling tryna open it lol im in a project type building on the 12th floor man I was standing there for 43 mins shorty aint have an ounce of quit in her. People walking by laughing hearing her screaming at me

some middle aged lady walked by she was like 50 she was like “mmmmhmmm she caught your ass didnt she”

im like “ma’am help my arms tired”

she was like ahaaa nope “call that bitch you was fucking for help”  and walked into her apt

then shorties mom came out the elevator i was like thank god.. she was like oh lord what u do.. i was like “nothingg ma’am she got a knife i swear i did nothing ” her mom was like “kita put the damn knife down im coming in if u stab me imma beat your ass” i feel the pressure get off the door and i make a run for it i see her try to come chase me but her mom blocks her Im sure i coulda beat usain bolt in a race the way i was running

she was really gon stab me, If her moms aint come i woulda still been standing there holding the door to this day

jimmbbo:

perfect-melodies-filthy-wubs:

i’ve never re-blogged something so quick in my life. 

I fuckin love tumblr stories

mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.
mr-5k:


that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.

mr-5k:

that odd moment when south park says something more beautiful and poetic than most television shows out there

Yes.

hiiifly:

Somebody @ both of them together and get this HBO boxing event popping
hiiifly:

Somebody @ both of them together and get this HBO boxing event popping

hiiifly:

Somebody @ both of them together and get this HBO boxing event popping

entering-loser-ville:

godshideouscreation:

thisisnicolai:

"Fuck yo ambitions"

this is honestly the best post and so like dogs its not even funny

One time my mom dropped 20 dollars and my dog ate it
entering-loser-ville:

godshideouscreation:

thisisnicolai:

"Fuck yo ambitions"

this is honestly the best post and so like dogs its not even funny

One time my mom dropped 20 dollars and my dog ate it
entering-loser-ville:

godshideouscreation:

thisisnicolai:

"Fuck yo ambitions"

this is honestly the best post and so like dogs its not even funny

One time my mom dropped 20 dollars and my dog ate it
entering-loser-ville:

godshideouscreation:

thisisnicolai:

"Fuck yo ambitions"

this is honestly the best post and so like dogs its not even funny

One time my mom dropped 20 dollars and my dog ate it

entering-loser-ville:

godshideouscreation:

thisisnicolai:

"Fuck yo ambitions"

this is honestly the best post and so like dogs its not even funny

One time my mom dropped 20 dollars and my dog ate it

onelife-onedecision:

query-and-echo:

phoenixwrong:

this looks fu-
sweet pissing jesus

When they said extreme dot to dot they weren’t fucking joking

that lion’s burnt af
bruh
onelife-onedecision:

query-and-echo:

phoenixwrong:

this looks fu-
sweet pissing jesus

When they said extreme dot to dot they weren’t fucking joking

that lion’s burnt af
bruh

onelife-onedecision:

query-and-echo:

phoenixwrong:

this looks fu-

sweet pissing jesus

When they said extreme dot to dot they weren’t fucking joking

that lion’s burnt af

bruh

elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation
elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation

elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation

mikalhvi:

gentlemanbones:

"What is that, some kind of stone, like a heating stone? An odd pattern, it kind of looks like—

…Oh.”

is that a goddamn condom full of spaghetti

highdie:

thankyouforthedildos:

you know why I love this? Because that man dressed as nurse joy was so committed to his character he dyed his mustache and beard.

my idol

I DIDNT EVEN REALISE THERE WAS A GUY OMG FAB

terrible-beauty:

slimydad:

My all time favorite sign I’ve seen near my house

i cant live like this

Strawbebbies

ammit420:

whenever i buy new clothes i take them home and im just like yo what the fuck did i wear before i had this